Tag Archives: holidays

Cinema, horror, Reviews

13 HORROR FILMS FOR CHRISTMAS – Some alternative festive reviews!

1 Comment

13 HORROR FILMS FOR CHRISTMAS!

Dear Reader,

As an alternative to the usual Christmas films that are on our TVs, streaming platforms and cinemas now, I have spent the last few weeks watching many recent horror film releases. Like a big, black Christmas stocking I present to you some quick reviews of said bloody entertainment with the usual marks out of 11.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and your family!

BIRDBOX BARCELONA (2023)

Spanish sequel to the Netflix original and it’s not quite as good. Some excellent filmmaking and deadly set-pieces are hamstrung by poor structure and over-familiarity with the central alien-suicide concept. The themes of religion, sacrifice and guilt are well explored and the pacey death rate make it worth watching though.

Mark: 6.5 out of 11

BULL (2021)

Brutal British B-movie with Neil Maskell on deadly form as a vengeful career criminal killing off his former gang members after they left him for dead. There are better revenge films out there, but there is some bone-crushing gore to please horror fans like me.

Mark: 6 out of 11

THE CLOVEHITCH KILLER (2018)

Slow-paced but suspenseful rites-of-passage-horror with Charlie Plummer’s teenager suspecting his father (Dylan McDermott) may be a notorious serial killer. Inspired by the evil crimes of BTK murderer, Dennis Rader, this compels throughout until the slightly unbelievable ending.

Mark: 7.5 out of 11

CONTAINMENT (2015)

Low-budget British horror-thriller set in a tower block during a viral outbreak and deadly lock-down. A prescient and chilling film which finds authorities attempting to stop the contagion by all means necessary. Some nail-biting suspense ensues and decent ensemble cast drive a film where chaos and paranoia feel all too familiar to recent global events.

Mark: 7.5 out of 11

EL CONDE (2023)

Pablo Larrain’s horror-comedy-satire is based around a very funny one-joke premise. The gag is Chilean dictator General Pinochet was in fact a blood-sucking vampire draining the life out of the common people. After a really powerful and amusing opening twenty minutes, the film devolves into a Pinochet family drama that runs out of steam until the frankly insane ending which has to be seen to be believed.

Mark: 7 out of 11

EVIL DEAD RISE (2023)

Some fantastically horrific and bloody gore cannot save this Evil Dead reboot/sidequel from feeling both redundant and unnecessary. Contrived plot, paper-thin characters and so badly lit I could hardly see anything. I recommend you watch the original films or the series Ash versus Evil Dead instead, with the awesome Bruce Campbell kicking Deadite ass!

Mark: 6 out of 11

INFINITY POOL (2023)

Another off-the-chart offering from Brandon Cronenberg after the spectacularly grim sci-fi horror of Possessor (2020). Infinity Pool similarly deals with themes of alienation, identity and duality as a writer, portrayed by Alexander Skarsgard, ends up on the holiday from hell. With obnoxious characters and a screeching Mia Goth going full gonzo I almost turned this film off, but such is the misery heaped upon the privileged James Foster, I eventually felt sorry for this tortured narcissistic soul. Trippy and bloody thrills contrast the luxury of the beautiful coastal resort with Cronenberg convincing us there is only ever trouble in paradise.

Mark: 8 out of 11

LUTHER: FALLEN SUN (2023)

Idris Elba returns in this big budget Netflix film version of the BBC maverick cop drama. Stylish, moody and effective thriller with a scenery-chewing turn by Andy Serkis as the nemesis from hell. Favours pace and action over plot consistency, Elba is always excellent value for money even if the Luther character has always been quite slight. Serkis’ fiendish plan is written for shock value rather than actually making any sense.

Mark: 7 out of 11.

PEARL (2022)

Prequel to Ti West’s porno horror X (2022) (see mini-review below), this establishes the early years of Mia Goth’s eponymous anti-heroine, Pearl. As a young woman in 1918 she dreams of escaping and becoming a silent movie star. Yet her dominant mother cannot contain the passionate darkness within Pearl. I much preferred this stylish period and character horror to the exploitative and nasty X (2022). There remains much gruesome violence here but Mia Goth finally convinces me as Pearl, delivering one the best film monologues I have seen in some time.

Mark: 8 out of 11.

RENFIELD (2023)

This vampire story from the point-of-view of the familiar, Renfield, contains the most horrific filmmaking in the very worst way. With a hopeless script, terrible acting and bad CGI it wastes the talent of Nicholas Hoult and Awkwafina. While I expected Nicolas Cage’s Dracula to be over-the-top, the film direction is so tonally awful that I have to say this is one of the worst films I have seen all year.

Mark: 3 out of 11

THANKSGIVING (2023)

A very effective by-the-numbers grind-house slasher film from Eli Roth. Set around the eponymous American holiday period, a masked killer starts murdering a small town’s occupants a year after a Black Friday sale turns into a mall riot. The functional script and generic teenagers lack the spark of the classic Scream (1996), however, Thanksgiving (2023) has some highly imaginative murder scenes, with Roth respecting both the genre and audience. A bit more social satire about greedy capitalism would have raised my mark.

Mark: 7.5 out of 11.

VIOLENT NIGHT (2022)

Die Hard (1988) is NOT a Christmas movie, but a film set AT Christmas. Here Norwegian genre movie director, Tommy Wirkola, unofficially remakes Die Hard/Die Hard 2 (1990), with Santa (David Harbour) replacing John McClane fighting criminals and mercenaries robbing a rich businesswoman’s house. Wirkola made an even better version of the violent home invasion comedy in The Trip (2021). But this rattles along, rings a lot of bells and crunches enough calcium and funny bones to make it worth a watch. David Harbour as Saint Nick sleighs us with his usual fine character acting work.

Mark: 7.5 out of 11.

X (2022)

I know he is a very well respected low-budget film director, and I should like Ti West’s work. Yet, for some reason, I have never enjoyed his previous horrors or Western that much. I feel like his previous films lack pace, contain unsympathetic characters and his horrors lack actual suspense. X (2022) finds a number of unlikable characters setting out to make a porno film on a rural farm, only to encounter danger lurking in the woods, lake and the farmhouse. I really wanted to enjoy this more than I did because Ti West has such control over exploitative material that delivers some genuinely sickening moments of horror. Mia Goth is the standout and West certainly casts her imaginatively, but I just did not connect with this expertly made Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) homage.

Mark: 6.5 out of 11.

** HAPPY HOLIDAYS! **


Cinema, Six of the Best

SIX OF THE BEST #22 – CHRISTMAS FILMS!

3 Comments

SIX OF THE BEST #22 – CHRISTMAS FILMS!

Once again the festive season is upon us. Thus, the over-privileged first world will buy stuff they don’t need, drink and eat more than humanly possible, and perhaps even celebrate the birth of the son of God. As you may gather, being a miserable cynic, I’m not a massive fan of Christmas, but it is a lovely time to try and be nice to people, take time off from the day job and watch even more films and television.

Watching films and not being at work is definitely my favourite thing about Christmas, so I thought it fun to have a look at what I consider six of the best Christmas films. How do you define a Christmas film? I would say the film should not only be set at Christmas, but also invoke a sense of the Christmas spirit, evil or otherwise. It should also contain Christmas themes or even some kind of moral within the narrative. Therefore, Die Hard (1988) is NOT a Christmas film. Here, in my humble opinion, are six that most definitely are! Happy holidays!

die hard 20th Century Fox

A CHRISTMAS CAROL / SCROOGE (1951)

“Well, then, I’ll just swallow this and be tortured by a legion of hobgoblins, all of my own creation! It’s all HUMBUG, I tell you, HUMBUG!”

Image result for A CHRISTMAS CAROL ALASTAIR SIMS

BAD SANTA (2003)

“I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno, like I accomplished something.”

Image result for bad santa

ELF (2003)

“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.”

Image result for ELF FILM

GREMLINS (1984)

“First of all, keep him out of the light, he hates bright light, especially sunlight, it’ll kill him. Second, don’t give him any water, not even to drink. But the most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight.”

Image result for GREMLINS CHRISTMAS

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)

“You see, George, you’ve really had a wonderful life. Don’t you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?”

Image result for it's a wonderful life film

KRAMPUS (2015)

“Saint Nicholas is not coming this year. Instead, a much darker, ancient spirit. His name is Krampus. He and his helpers did not come to give, but to take. He is the shadow of Saint Nicholas.”

Image result for krampus christmas FILM

Cinema, New Releases, Reviews

SCREENWASH HOLIDAY ROUND-UP including FILM REVIEWS OF: ANT MAN & THE WASP (2018), SEARCHING (2018) and THE MEG (2017) etc.

Leave a comment

SCREENWASH HOLIDAY ROUND-UP

Having a little blog break for a few weeks or so, thus here are some quick catch-up reviews of films I saw recently at the cinema, with the usual marks out of eleven.

ANT-MAN AND WASP (2018) – ODEON CINEMA

Paul Rudd, Evangeline Lilly and Michael Douglas return in this simultaneously microscopic and gigantic work of Marvel entertainment. The story follows after the events of Civil War (2016) with Scott Lang under FBI house arrest due to breaking the Sokovia Accords. Thus, he must, alongside new crime-fighting partner, The Wasp, battle criminals, freaky super-villains and the FBI without leaving his home. While the original Ant-Man (2015) was anchored within the heist genre, this energetic sequel follows an action meets romantic-comedy plot and on the whole really works thanks to great chemistry between Rudd and Lilly. Throw in some mind-bending shenanigans involving the quantum realm and a memorable car chase set-piece, you get another fun-packed and witty Marvel film.

(Mark: 8.5 out of 11)

THE MEG (2018) – ODEON CINEMA

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cinema a gigantic budgeted shark movie comes at you. Derivative and overly serious The Meg is nonetheless, at times, a spectacularly decent guilty pleasure with some wonderful shark action. The ensemble cast led by the compact but powerful Jason Statham try their best with a functional script while director, John Turteltaub, hacks his way through a seen-it-done-better narrative. The best bits belong to Statham and the sharks but it should’ve been funnier and bloodier! I mean look at the size of the Megaladon and its bite radius. There should have been more gore and bloody death in this entertaining, if over-inflated monster movie.

(Mark: 6.5 out of 11)

 

SEARCHING (2018) – ODEON CINEMA

You wait ages for a smartly scripted genre film and two come along at the same time with Upgrade (2018), and now, Searching (2018).  I’m not usually a fan of “found/live footage” films but this format absolutely worked for this film. The thriller plot finds John Cho’s computer programmer hunting down his missing daughter. As the images and sound derive from news footage, social media sources, YouTube, Facetime, and Live online chat sites it could get boring but it never does. This is because the script is so well written with a twisty plot which creates superb drama and tension throughout. John Cho is excellent too in a very entertaining genre movie that raises the pulse and tugs at the heartstrings too.

(Mark: 8 out of 11)