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APOCALYPSE CINEMA – VISIONS OF POSSIBLE FUTURES (IRREVERENT AND PANIC-FREE POST)

APOCALYPSE CINEMA – VISIONS OF POSSIBLE FUTURES

“It’s the end of the World as we know it – and I feel fine!” Michael Stipe


With the world gripped by the COVID-19 virus threat one’s mind can run amok and look to possible futures. Thus, I thought it interesting to explore some visions of the Apocalypse as seen on the film. I mean you have to hand it to humanity; it’s able to distract itself from the possible end of the world by creating stories and entertainment ABOUT the end of the world!   Here’s TEN of the best I could think of.

***CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS***


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NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968) – UNKNOWN CAUSE

George Romero’s seminal classic zombie film gave birth (and death) to a whole subgenre of horror films. The low budget is no barrier to an ingenious concept involving the dead rising up and attempting to wipe out the rest of humanity. Both powerful as a horror narrative and social commentary, it remains one of the most influential films of all time.


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PLANET OF THE APES (1969) – NUCLEAR WAR

Poor old Charlton Heston never had much luck with the future as his characters often ended up in dystopian visions of hell. Such films included: Soylent Green (1973)Omega Man (1971) and the classic Planet of the Apeswhere simian humanoids are running the planet and enslaving the savage natives. One of the great sci-fi epics with probably the greatest film ending of all time, the film remains a timeless vision of the future.


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MAD MAX: ROAD WARRIOR (1981) – NUCLEAR WAR

In between the road-raging original and this brilliant sequel there was some kind of global nuclear meltdown hitherto bringing about a dusty wasteland where fuel is God and humans will kill to get their hands on it!  Out of the dust rises a reluctant hero, Max Rockatansky (Mel Gibson), who strives to survive while battling hordes of petrolheads, psychos and punks! Definitely one of the best sequels of all time, George Miller spectacularly remade it with the equally pulsating Fury Road (2015).



THE TERMINATOR (1984) – ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

Bloody Internet, sorry Skynet!  We create these wonderful computers to help us with everyday life including our Missile Defence Systems and they turn on us!  Only a Mother and her child – who hasn’t been born yet – can save us from a life of death and slavery at the hands of the machines. Cameron’s seminal sci-fi action film delivers an unforgettable feast of story, concepts and emotion, containing in Sarah Connor’s, one of the best character arcs of all time.


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THE MATRIX (1999) – ALIEN MACHINES / ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE

Damned alien machines enslaving humanity and feasting on our fluids and organs for energy in some sick, twisted vision of a futuristic Harvest festival. Then again, compared to some of the shitty office jobs I’ve had I think I’d choose the “Matrix” over those; just don’t tell me I’m in the Matrix! Neo (Keanu Reeves) chose the other pill and it’s a good job he, Morpheus and Trinity did, because we get some kick-ass slow-motion action out of it.



WATERWORLD (1995) – GLOBAL WARMING

In this future we will basically live in the water and grow gills. Also, pure dirt and water will be our most priceless commodity. Well, that’s what will occur according to this apocalyptic-polar-ice-caps-melting-earth-swimming-pool-with-pirates movie. At the time it was one of the most expensive film flops in history, but IT actually wasn’t THAT bad. Kevin Costner plays a softer and more soaked version of Mad Max, while Dennis Hopper chews up the scenery as the over-the-top Napoleonic baddie at sea.

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TWELVE MONKEYS (1995) – DEADLY VIRUS

Seeing someone close to you die in front of your eyes as a child is not a future you really need is it?  But what if THAT person is. . . Following the opening of this brilliant film, the plot centres around future prisoners being sent back in time to find the cause of the deadly viral apocalypse. The awesome mind of Terry Gilliam filtering Chris Marker’s classic short La Jetée (1962), makes this an intelligent and exciting end-of-the-world blockbuster. Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt are on particularly good form too amidst Gilliam’s frightening visuals.


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28 DAYS LATER (2002) – RAGE VIRUS

Alex Garland and Danny Boyle’s blistering British horror classic springboards a Day of The Triffids style opening as Cillian Murphy wakes up in a seemingly empty London. Alas, he is not alone as he finds, along with a ragtag bunch of survivors, the world has been populated with raging and rapid zombies hellbent on feeding. Boyle directs with a low budget, yet prodigious inventive flair in a modern-day monstrous classic.


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THE WORLD’S END (2013) – ALIEN INVASION

The third in the Edgar Wright, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost ‘Cornetto Trilogy’ is often seen as the weakest of the three. That’s because the first two are so strong, The World’s End suffers slightly in their shadow. However, a stellar British cast all combine brilliantly as a group of friends reuniting to enact the same town pub crawl they had done year’s before. It’s just a shame a bunch of aliens have decided to take over the town at the same bloody time!


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THIS IS THE END (2013) – BIBLICAL APOCAPLYPSE

The end of days has never been so hilarious and dumb as in this Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg directed apocalyptic comedy. The stellar who’s-who cast of rising Hollywood actors including: Jonah Hill, Rogen, James Franco, Craig Robinson, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride plus many more cameos turns, all find themselves battling monsters, fiery sinkholes and each other, in an irreverent and gleeful disaster movie.


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GLASS (2019) – MOVIE REVIEW

GLASS (2019) – MOVIE REVIEW

Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan

Produced by: M. Night Shyamalan, Jason Blum, Marc Bienstock, Ashwin Rajan

Written by: M. Night Shyamalan

Starring: James McAvoy, Bruce Willis, Anya Taylor-Joy, Sarah Paulson, Samuel L. Jackson

Music by: West Dylan Thordson

**CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM SHYAMALAN’S PRIOR FILMS**

M. Night Shyamalan is arguably one of the most critically divisive directors working today. Not because his films are particularly controversial, but mainly because he is a risk-taker that tests the boundaries of genre expectations. He has so many different ideas and concepts that quite often his movies have back-fired spectacularly, however, when he gets it right his genre films are highly entertaining and compelling. Films such as: The Sixth Sense (1999), Unbreakable (2000), Signs (2002), and The Village (2004), were for me, brilliant genre films full of invention, suspense and wicked twists. Many people felt The Village stretched the limits of suspending disbelief, but it was a masterpiece compared to his filmic failures like: The Lady in the Water (2006), The Happening (2008) and The Last Airbender (2010).

I missed seeing the apparent disaster that was After Earth (2013), yet it was opined that Shyamalan returned to some essence of form with the horror film The Visit (2015). However, I still felt there were some dodgy creative decisions in that, such as the story-filler-white-middle-class-rapping kid in amidst a creepy thriller. Yet, with Split (2016), Shyamalan was back to his best, weaving an exploitational B-movie kidnap-plot with a searing psycho-performance from James McAvoy. The ending, which found Anya Taylor-Joy’s ultra resilient Casey fighting back against McAvoy’s twenty-plus split-personality maniac, then brilliantly linked the film to Shyamalan’s Unbreakable (2000). Therefore Glass (2019), becomes the third part of an unlikely trilogy; three films where Shyamalan strives to create his own universe and mythology within a more realistic superhero and super-villain world.

Glass starts three weeks after the end of Split  and opens with a terrific and bruising encounter between McEvoy’s dominant “Beast” personality and David Dunn’s (Bruce Willis) vigilante, daubed “The Overseer” by the media. Captured by authorities, the two are locked up and analyzed by Sarah Paulson’s seemingly sympathetic psychiatrist, Dr Ellie Staple. Enter Samuel L. Jackon’s Elijah Price, who is ALSO being held at the same mental health facility. I mean what could go wrong? Does the catatonic Price have villainous plans for The Horde and The Overseer? What do you think?

What I love about Shyamalan’s screenwriting, and this is something which he could equally be criticized for, is you can hear the cogs of contrivance creaking with every plot turn. Yet his ideas really capture your imagination and you genuinely want to know what happens next. Personally, as a fan of say Agatha Christie, I love theatrical exposition and clear “rules-of-the-world” mechanics. Shyamalan gets his three big-hitters in the same place and cinematic fireworks, however unlikely and full of plot-holes it may be, ensue. Woven within the fights, monologues and narrative misdirections are very clever meta-textual references to comic-book structures. This adds a welcome context to the denouement, which contains at least two incredible revealing twists.

Ultimately, I feel, unlike certain critics, that Glass is a fun and entertaining end to the trilogy. Yes, it tests the believability grid but Shyamalan must be applauded for striving, once again, toward some form of originality within his chosen genre.  It arguably goes down a deep rabbit hole at the end which is hard to get out of; but the impressive cast keep you in the light for the most part. James McAvoy is simply, once again, outstanding. Why hasn’t he been nominated for an Oscar? Who knows! Jackson and Willis are always solid performers, although I felt that Dunn’s character was slightly thrown away at the end. Anya Taylor-Joy also stood out and she is going to be a big star if she carries on delivering wide-eyed and steely performances such as these. Thus, Shyamalan gives us another big hit and something very different from the Marvel and DC superhero universes; something altogether more human.

Mark: 8.5 out of 11

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU #2 – MOVIE HAIR!! BY PAUL LAIGHT

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU #2 – MOVIE HAIR!!  

By Paul Laight

As a balding man I felt it my duty to raise my concerns about the desperately poor wig-work that has occurred down the years in the movies.  The wigs, actors chosen suck because they are so appalling and the filmmakers should have let the actor go natural to avoid discriminatory practices against baldies.

Obviously, for sci-fi, historical, and comedy films wigs are used in context and for humorous purposes so I have generally avoided picking on those but for the examples used there is NO EXCUSE!  They are a travesty and deeply hurtful to the bald community.  As Larry David says:  Baldism is a proper thing.


10.  IT LOOKS STUPID!

Okay, I understand certain characters require wigs especially if they wore them in real life like Phil Spector as played recently by Al Pacino but generally Movie Wigs look dumb.  It’s fine if it’s in the context of the character such as American Hustle (2013) where Bale’s character was shown to be vain but when an actor has what looks like a ferret stapled to his or her head then I’m thinking less of the movie as I’m too busy laughing at it.

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9.  IT’S DISCRIMINATION!

I started watching the decent-enough movie TransSiberian (2008) on Netflix and Woody Harrelson’s character is wearing an obvious wig.  Harrelson has played some fine bald heroes in his time most notably in the brilliant Zombieland (2009) but he’s let us right down in this movie.  His character was a nice guy in it so by giving him a syrup and spectacles are they saying that bald people cannot be pleasant and easy-going.  Either cast an actor with hair or don’t. It’s baldist! Come on Woody – you SHOULD know better.

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8.  WHAT HAPPENED TO TECHNOLOGICAL ADVANCEMENT?

So I was watching a very disappointing blockbuster film about a massive lizard and I was so disconnected with the lack of characterisation or suspense I got distracted by the usually brilliant Bryan Cranston and his appalling wig!  Why not allow let the character have a natural hairstyle of the actor? Are they saying a character with a receding hairline or a bald character is less sympathetic?  All that money spent on special effects and incredible looking giant monsters in Godzilla (2014) and his hair-piece was so unconvincing I was embarrassed. Mind you not as unconvincing as the script.

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7.  KING OF THE WIGS – NICOLAS CAGE

I can’t stand wigs and plastic surgery and Cage seems to have had his fair share of both. It’s vanity gone mad.  Unless of course you have a tragic disfigurement or burns I see no reason to alter your body or face in ANY way via artificial means!  If you need to lose weight go on a diet don’t use liposuction. If you are bald don’t get a rat transplant on your bonce just deal with it.  The worst hair-cut he ever had was arguably in the terrific prison-escape blockbuster Con Air (1997). While the mullet had a certain magnetic quality it, in my opinion, it was laughable and took the piss really.

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Anyway, Cage — on his day — is an outstanding actor but he has been in some really sorry old tosh like Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011).  Here’s a guy who could be a hero to all baldies everywhere with his receding locks so why not  allow his characters have Cage’s natural barnet.  His lack of locks worked well in Adaptation (2002) as it added to low-status nature of one of the brothers but this was an exception to the rule.
6.  BALD PEOPLE DEHUMANIZED AS THE BAD GUY!

Look all the villains over the years who have been bald: Lex Luthor, Voldemort, Ming The Merciless, John Doe (from Se7en), Bane, Gru, Don Logan, Darth Maul, The Baldies from The Wanderers (1979) and many more. Choosing someone who is follicly-challenged is an easy shorthand and detrimental to the humanization of bald people all over the world. We are not villains.  We are humans – just because we don’t have hair it doesn’t make us bad people. We have feelings you know.

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5.  THE BALD UNTRUTH! – JOHN TRAVOLTA

Why use wigs? Why can’t the character be bald – does it make them any less of a human being?!  At the very least why collude in the fact the character has real hair.  Try and be inventive with the syrups.  John Travolta has worn some horrific fringes in his time but at no stage does he send this part of his being up or make it part of the characterisation.  In Wild Hogs (2007) — a film about mid-life crises he spends most of it in a bandana rather than embracing his lack of hair.  Fair play in the dreadful From Paris With Love (2010) he is bald but he still has a compensatory goatee to take the bald sheen away from the role.

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4.  UNINTENTIONAL HUMOUR

I’m just going to say one word:  Surrogates (2009). This Bruce Willis sci-fi thriller is a dog of a film and the syrups are hilarious.  Humans are essentially lock-ins and rarely go out.  Instead they live their lives through virtual reality surrogates.  It’s not a bad idea and contains a reasonable social comment on technology displacing actual physical and emotional contact.  The problem I have with the film is the human version of Willis is bald whereas the computer version has hair.  So basically, Willis’ preferred setting is having hair. Why couldn’t it be the other way round!!   Plus the haircut is an absolute joke; much like the film as a whole.  Bruce Willis is a flag-bearing hero to all bald men and he has worn some dodgy wigs in his time but this is the most monstrous blot on his career.

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3.  BAD HAIRPIECES DEVALUE THE PRODUCTION

Films are SO expensive to make you would think they could spend a bit more of an effort to make the hairpieces more realistic.  Some films — even historical dramas like Lincoln (2013) — have incredible sets, amazing actors and a cast of thousands but when it comes to the syrups the whole thing falls down.  I found Lincoln a tough watch anyway as it was SO boring.   Has anyone actually watched this film and enjoyed it?   Anyway, despite a ponderous story the incredible production is let down by wigs so ridiculous they act as a Brechtian distanciation device and consistently remind us we are watching a movie.  I realise that movie God Spielberg may have been going for authenticity but it backfires in Lincoln and the wigs are an embarrassment.

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2.  IF THEY HAVE HAIR – WHY ARE THEY WEARING A SYRUP?

The worst thing is when the actor actually has hair and they STILL put a hair-piece on them.  It’s a travesty really because they could have cast a bald person in the role and given them a leg up in the vanity-led industry that is Hollywood.  Or at the very least use the actors real hair and style it accordingly.  If the film covers a number of years then for additional realism they should shoot the film in order as the hair grows.   The biggest culprit for this is Oliver Stone.  He has made some magnificent films but his career is littered with crimes against bald people. Just have a gander at these monstrosities:

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1. HAIL THE BALD HEROES!

We shall fight them in the barbers, the make-up chairs and film & sets. Hail the heroes carrying the fight against the vain, unreal and plastic harbingers of doom!  Stand proud the hairless and bald!  Fight the good fight to the last strand!

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