My blog strand of collating six of the best of something or other continues with a breeze through a series of disgusting, vile and horrific movies that it’s best not to watch while eating.
**CONTAINS SPOILERS & DISGUSTING IMAGES**
BRAINDEAD (1992)
Peter Jackson’s monstrous rom-zom-gore-fest is an utter joy from start to finish. A rabid monkey bite sets in motion a series of flesh-eating zombie attacks as carnage ensues with lawnmowers, death, intestines, blood and dog-eating mothers in 1950s New Zealand.
EVIL DEAD (1981)
Sam Raimi’s debut feature is a low-budget horror treat. But be warned as Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell) battles his friends and girlfriend — who all become demons — the bloodletting, decapitations and violent deaths are enough to put you off your pudding.
THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE (2010)
We all like to connect with people socially but this film takes the cake. Watch and learn as an insane German scientist stitches two American tourists and a random Japanese bloke together. Both grim and hilarious at the same time and gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, “Eat shit and die!”
ICHI THE KILLER (2001)
The site of a man cutting off his own tongue is enough to have you reaching for the remote; as Takashi Miike’s off-the-wall-manga-gangster-mash-up really tests the boundaries of taste. My favourite image is a sliced face slamming and sliding down the wall following one particularly offensive fight scene.
RATS (2016)
Morgan Spurlock’s brutal documentary takes us on a whistle-stop tour of the globe visiting New York, Reading, Rajasthan, Cambodia and so on. Amidst the rat-catching, baiting and butchering we are also witness to scientific examination of rats. Most disgustingly the eating of rodents in Vietnam is considered a delicacy. Gross!
TRAINSPOTTING (1996)
While Irvine Welsh’s classic novel was a dark, violent, black-humoured yet grim portrayal of heroin addiction in Edinburgh; Danny Boyle’s adaptation entertainingly presents it as a fast-paced-rock-and-rolling-drug-lifestyle-sketch-show! Nevertheless, with scenes that involve: the dirtiest toilet in Scotland; Tommy’s toxoplasmosis squat death; and Spud’s shit being flung across the breakfast table, make this one to avoid while tucking into a Friday night curry with your partner.
The excellent intellectual comedy BIRDMAN (2014) is about — among many themes — a movie star attempting to gain artistic credibility and shift his career from the commercial side to the more critically acclaimed. Using this as inspiration I decided to take a look at some musicians, actors and a filmmaker who in some way have began at one end of the creative spectrum and successfully careered to another. At the same time as changing creative lanes they surprised the audience, improved their critical kudos or at the very least shifted perception of their oeuvre. Please do suggest others if I have missed them; which I imagine I have. They’re in no particular order either.
PETER JACKSON – FILMMAKER
Peter Jackson is one of my cinematic heroes. The reason being is he began his career from scratch in New Zealand making the no budget horror film Bad Taste (1987) before subsequently going on to make some of the biggest grossing blockbusters ever committed to celluloid. My favourite film of his remains the hilarious gorefest Braindead (1992) and therefore his career shift to the haunting Heavenly Creatures (1994) was an incredible leap. Personally, I liked his bloody horror films better but of course his Tolkien trilogies contain some amazing filmmaking too.
DAN STEVENS – ACTOR
I don’t watch Downton Abbey so had never heard of the handsome actor Dan Stevens. The first I met him was watching the low budget actioner The Guest (2014) and he is absolutely brilliant. It’s a smart, funny and violent B-movie which makes merry hell of its’ “cuckoo in the nest” plot. Stevens is brilliant and has all the charm and looks of a bona fide movie star in the making.
BEN KINGSLEY – ACTOR
Kingsley stunned me when he appeared in Jonathan Glazer’s excellent debut feature Sexy Beast (2000) as the foul-mouthed cockernee monster Don Logan; sent to wreak havoc on Ray Winstone’s feng shui and chi. It was an incredible performance which completely shifted perception away from the archetype RSC trained actor of stage and screen. His portrayal of Gandhi put Kingsley very much on the cultural map whereas the visceral brutality of Logan pissed all over it!
LUCILLE BALL – ACTOR
Lucille Ball was a pioneering actress, comedienne and film studio executive. She was the star of many sitcoms notably I Love Lucy. Early doors though she performed in many small movie roles in the 1930s and 1940s, being dubbed the “Queen of the B-movies”. In 1951, Ball helped create the television series I Love Lucy with husband Desi Arnaz and during a prolific career Ball was nominated for Emmy thirteen times and won four of the beauties.
CLINT MANSELL – MUSICIAN
Clint was the frontman for Black Country-bassed-hip-hop-funny-as-fuck-politically-incorrect-grebo-groovesters Pop Will Eat Itself! Along with The Wonderstuff they were one of my favourite bands from the late 80s/90s. Songs like: Beaver Patrol, Grebo Guru, Can U Dig It, Wise Up Sucker etc.smacked the arse of the charts with a flurry of non-sensical lyrics and pilfered samples. Years later Mansell rose from the spunky ashes of PWEI to become a respected film composer. His most memorable score is for the grim, yet awesome Aronofsky helmed Requiem For A Dream (1996) and since then he has consistently written for the same director. His classical piece Lux Æterna has become a ubiquitous soundtrack for many a film trailer!
JEROME FLYNN – ACTOR
To be honest Jerome Flynn has always been a decent TV character actor ever since he starred in Soldier Soldier in the 1990s. But we also have him to thank for giving producer Simon Cowell some of his early hit records when, along with Robson Greene, he butchered a series of singalonga ‘classics’ including Unchained Melody. He’s forgiven though for his musical crimes as his cultural slate has been wiped clean via his tough and gritty appearances in the phenomenal Game Of Thrones plus the excellent Ripper Street.
MATTHEW McCONAUGHEY – ACTOR
McConaughey has always had star appeal ever since his appearance in Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused (1993) and always stood out as an actor to watch. His career choices, however, in romantic comedies such as: The Wedding Planner (2001), How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003), Failure to Launch (2006), Fool’s Gold (2008) and Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009) made him a shedload of dough but had many thinking he’d thrown away his ability on fluff. But then the “McConaissance” occurred and since 2010 he has eschewed the mortgage-paying unchallenging work and starred in some intense, transformative and often brutal roles including: Killer Joe (2011), The Paperboy (2012), Mud (2012), Magic Mike (2012), The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), Dallas Buyers Club (2013), and stunning HBO series True Detective (2014).
CHARLIZE THERON – ACTOR
When Theron appeared in some decent but unspectacular early roles you would not have been wrong to suspect she was just another model-turned-actress wannabe who had got her break due to her cracking good looks. However, THAT is definitely NOT the case as her acting prowess was proven in the Oscar-winning role of female serial-killer Aileen Wuornos. Tragic film Monster (2003) flipped career perception on it’s head as she imbued Wuornos with an anger, pain and humanity which never fails to rabbit-punch the emotions. It was an incredible lane change in Theron’s career and proved she was no blonde bimbo. She was also fantastic as a twisted neurotic suffering from a severe case of arrested development in Young Adult (2011).
BEN AFFLECK – ACTOR/DIRECTOR
Is Ben Affleck a good actor? I had this discussion with a friend and we decided he was a solid if unspectacular presence who can be impressive at times with his professionalism in Good Will Hunting (1997), Changing Lanes (2002), Hollywoodland (2006) and Gone Girl (2014). However, let’s be straight he has also appeared in some right old garbage such as Daredevil (2003) and the critically panned Gigli (2003). But Affleck’s cultural redemption has occurred as a director in which he has hit three cinema home runs with the excellent Gone Baby Gone (2007), The Town(2010) and the political thriller Argo (2012). These are three proper movies with the assured directorial touch of the great genre filmmakers such as John Ford or Huston. In some ways his career mirrors that of Clint Eastwood’s; as in he’s appeared in some great films, some rubbish films and is now becoming a formidable director to boot!
WHOOPI GOLDBERG – COMEDIAN/ACTOR
Multi-talented Emmy, Oscar, Tony winner Goldberg is one of the most versatile comedian/actors to grace the stage and screen. She developed her abilities at the Blake Street Hawkeyes Comedy troupe and would then be cast in Spielberg’s The Color Purple (1985). Goldberg’s Celie Johnson is a character battered by life but whom amidst the abuse retains a strength to not let life destroy her. All the more amazing given it was Goldberg’s first dramatic film role. Goldberg would go on to prove both her dramatic and comedic mettle in a number of roles eventually winning an Oscar in the supernatural-thriller-romance-weepieGhost (1990).
ANDREA BOCELLI – SINGER
I don’t know much about Opera or classical music to be honest but I do know what I like when I hear it. Thus, Andrea Bocelli’s pop-opera classic Con te partiròis an obvious favourite ever since I heard it in The Sopranos.Andrea Bocelli himself had always immersed himself in singing since a boy but had to work his way up from the bottom, sort of. He was a qualified lawyer and playing piano in the bars when ‘discovered’ by goalkeeper-turned-singer Luciano Pavarotti. The rest they say is history! Time to say goodbye reader; au revoir!
Me and my son Rhys have a Christmas tradition (well of the last 3 years) which involves going to the cinema to watch an action-packed if overlong adaptation of J.R.R Tolkien’s classic novel The Hobbit. After all watching Elves, Men, Women, Wizard, Eagles, Dwarves etc., slaying Orcs are what Christmas is all about! And while I munch on my popcorn and slurp my diabetes inducing soda my son falls asleep. It’s a comforting bonding experience between father and son and I just don’t know what I’m going to do NEXT year! Oh wait, the new new new Star Wars: A Force Awakens (2015) comes out. Problem solved!
Peter Jackson is one of my directorial heroes because made his own way up the cinematic ladder. On zero budgets he made cult classics such as: Bad Taste (1987), Meet the Feebles (1989) and one of the best films ever made Braindead (1992). He then made the exquisite Heavenly Creatures (1994) which also introduced us to the ample talents of one Kate Winslet. Following the under-rated ghoulish horror-action-comedy The Frighteners (1996) he immersed himself in the world of Tolkien and delivered a brilliant vision of the classic Lord of the Rings trilogy reaching a peak as a director of epic proportions. Of course he has now returned to the king of fantasy in the last few years with The Hobbit trilogy and I’ll be honest there was absolutely no need, in terms of story, to make THREE films out of the book. But hey, he’s done it and the final film is arguably the best of the lot.
If Lord of The Ring’s was Tolkien’s allegory for World War II then The Hobbit is clearly his response to the first ‘Great’ war; and not a chocolate bar or game of football in sight. Because the rise of Sauron echoes the rise of Fascism and the battle at Lonely Mountain — following Smaug the Dragon’s desolation of Laketown — mirrors the ruling classes battle over land rights (amongst other complex issues) which led to the disgusting loss of life during World War I. Thus, with Thorin Oakenshield holding the mountain Dwarves, Elves, Men and Monsters congregate for one hell of a battle.
While it took a while to get there with two half-decent films afore Peter Jackson’s Battle of the Five Armies is a tremendous, staunch and bruising finale to Tolkien’s amazing vision. There is not much plot but rather incredible action and great visual storytelling. The images created showing Thorin’s descent into gold madness as he battles his addiction and greed were most memorable for me; especially at this time of ultra-consumerism. Moreover, the final battle sequences involving Thorin, Legolas, Kili and Tauriel were incredibly exciting and I had my heart in my mouth at moments. Bilbo Baggins (Martin Freeman) once again plays his part attempting to make peace and stop the folly of war plus the romance between Kili the Dwarf and beautiful Elf Tauriel (Evangeline Lily) added some unexpected pathos.
Overall this is a film to watch on the biggest screen you can find. Take your brain out, sit back and watch as Peter Jackson commandeers his units and soldiers from one lusty death blow to another. There was absolutely NO need to make three films out of Tolkien’s adventure but in a way I’m glad he did because there’s nothing I like more that to watch a great piece of orchestrated action at the cinema. At the end I turned to my son and found him snoring in the seat next to me and thought yes: Christmas is here!
The Cinema Fix presents 