Tag Archives: Comedy

FIX FILMS RETROSPECTIVE #3 – THE TWO MINUTE SILENCE (2007)

FIX FILMS RETROSPECTIVE #3 – THE TWO MINUTE SILENCE (2007)

Once again I look back nostalgically on the production process of one of the shorts I made and the creative decisions around it. Indeed, in 2006 the Fix Films bandwagon continued with abandon; well, I’d managed to get some money for our next low-budget short somehow; and it was to be known in Internet-land as The Two Minute Silence!

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After the arduous creative endeavour of A Far Cry (2006), for our next short film, me and Gary decided it may be better to stick to something slightly more contemporary. Thus, I pitched an idea for a group of office workers and their behaviour during a “Two-Minute Silence”. I assume everyone knows what this is but basically the whole nation contemplates a tragic event or international loss; IN SILENCE. Quite rightly the companies or organisations put this convention in place in order to respect those who have lost their lives due to a terrorist attack or some other horrible tragedy. It’s an interesting and important part of the bereavement process and used to be a minute but when writing the script I’d noticed they’d been increased to two minutes; possibly due to grief inflation or some such reason.

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My idea stemmed from a couple of situations that I felt could be rinsed for comedic and dramatic purposes. Firstly, from personal experience I recall a number of “silences” in the office environment I worked in. As awful as this sounds my mind wandered quite quickly from the tragedy to my own mortality before moving swiftly on to what I may be having for dinner later. Consequently I felt if I had that thought then others must do too. Secondly, I also had a sketch idea that during some pursuit or chase it may be funny or suspenseful to have the criminals and cops have to stop, out of respect, while a silence is occurring. So rather than something serious, that was the tone and angle I was going for.

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The chase sequence was the most interesting idea for me, but I kept coming back to an ensemble idea of eight or so characters in one room with their thoughts projected by voiceover to the audience. Thus, I set about writing the screenplay with archetype characters in the first draft simply named: the Romantic, the Bitch, the Penitent One, the Actor, the Slob, the Boss and so on. The key was to establish the characters quickly and give them each a recognisable situation with which to bounce the humour and pathos off. Indeed, I went for punchlines such as: the easy humour of a guy needing a shit; a romantic couple; the slimy Boss deciding who to give a promotion too; a religious person praying; someone actually respecting the silence; and a more complex situation of a potential madmen planning on killing his colleagues.

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Once the script had gone through a number of drafts and I was satisfied there were enough pay-offs in the brief slice-of-life structure I started the casting process. Now, this is something I am very proud of as a producer because, as the film was self-financed, I pretty much handled all the castings and location scouting and worked really hard in my own time to find the right people and places. In terms of location we needed a conference room that could be used WITHOUT any interruption thus I paid for an expensive meeting room in Holborn, I think. The casting wasn’t so simple though. Thankfully there is so much acting talent out there I whittled the forty or so candidates I individually met down to these brilliant people: Faye Barber, Richard Cambridge, Chris Crocker, Enid Gayle, Chris Polick, Suzanne Rabia, Animesh Rawal, Joel Stubbs and Philip Wolff.

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Ironically, for a film which intrinsically dealt with a specific two minute period it actually ran for ten minutes, and the two-day shoot was fantastically helmed by Gary with me on board as Production Manager, runner, caterer, cigarette wrangler etc. It’s always our rule that we pay the actors and while it certainly wasn’t big bucks we got so much hard work from the cast I was very proud of everyone. Ensemble casts could arguably be fraught with egos or prima donnas but we had none of that and the filming was a joy. The added bonus that it wasn’t outside in the pissing rain and mud, miles from civilisation in a field – like A Far Cry (2006) – also sweetened the whole deal too. Special mention to the brilliant sound guy Oli Cohen and simple but precise camerawork of James Abbott.

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What I learnt most from this experience was that if you cast your film right then you will have a positive product. I don’t necessarily mean just good acting but decent people too who understand the script and work well as part of the ensemble. Pretty much 96.7% of our castings have been right on all our short films and The Two Minute Silence especially benefited from a good premise, a witty script, professional direction and quality actors. We had a mild drama when filming at the Cenotaph for one scene as we did not have permission and the police moved us along. However, looking back the project was an utter joy and we would get some great feedback and screenings in film festivals and on TV including:   Angel Film Festival, The Big Chill Festival, Eastnor, Blue Light District, London Filmmaker’s Convention, Non-Multiplex Cinema Film Group, Portobello Film Festival, Propeller TV/Sky Channel 195, Reading Fringe Festival and Rotoreliefs.

Looking back on it now I think it stands the test of time as a decent character comedy that holds an honest mirror up to the nature of humanity. It’s economical and punchy and still makes me laugh. Plus, I had a wonderful experience making it too. Thanks to all involved; here’s the film:

SCREENWASH REVIEWS– MARCH 2016

SCREENWASH – MARCH 2016

March is a looonnngggg old month and I have watched a shedload of shows and films; so it’s a quick wash and go through my monthly review round up. As usual marks are out of 11 – do enjoy!

**DEFINITELY MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS** 


FILMS OF THE MONTH!

10 CLOVERFIELD LANE (2016) – CINEMA

If you’d like a cinema alternative from the current superhero hype then try out neat suspense thriller 10 Cloverfield Lane. It was lean, mean, well-acted and full of fun twists; proving good writing will often be more entertaining than big-budgeted blockbusters. Trapped heroine Mary Elizabeth Winstead is both imprisoned in a bunker by sinister John Goodman and freakish occurrences going on outside and must use her wits to escape. It’s edge-of-the-seat stuff throughout in a thrilling sidequel to over-rated “found footage” monster movie Cloverfield (2008). (Mark: 8 out of 11)

BONE TOMAHAWK (2015) – CINEMA

A tremendous genre-blend of horror and Western, this debut feature from S. Craig Zahler is destined to be a cult classic. We’re in The Searchers meets Hills Have Eyes territory as Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson. Matthew Fox and Richard Jenkins track down townsfolk kidnapped by savage cannibal natives. Not for the faint-hearted, I loved the witty dialogue exchanges, sunburnt vistas and sudden smashes of bloody violence. (Mark: 8 out of 11)

HAIL CAESAR (2016) – CINEMA

If you love the Coen Brothers and also like films that are about people making and watching movies, then Hail Caesar is a delight. It’s a feel-good nostalgic tribute to Hollywood, both funny and charming. It was like watching a cinema soufflé with extra icing sugar on top as the wonderful cast and Hollywood pastiches are faultless. Alden Ehrenreich is superb as the singing cowboy turned unlikely thespian and Josh Brolin knits the “day in the life” structure perfectly as workaholic studio boss. It’s pretty flimsy in terms of a plot but works wonderfully as a series of vignettes from the era, along with mild religious and political satire too. (Mark: 8 out of 11)

SUPER (2010) – NETFLIX

“Shut up Crime!” yells Frank Darbo: Rainn Wilson’s on-the-verge-of-a-breakdown loser, as he is visited by God and told he is the “chosen one”. Thus, begins his transformation into the Crimson Bolt; a human superhero/vigilante with no powers, charging to take down Kevin Bacon’s slimy drug dealing scumbag who has also stolen Frank’s wife. This is a hilariously dark and comedic anti-super-hero film very much in the Kick-Ass territory but somehow grittier and more bizarre. Wilson channels his Dwight Shrute persona perfectly and Ellen Page offers spunky support as his sidekick Boltie. James Gunn writes and directs with off-kilter joy and who’d believe he’d go onto direct the far more commercially successful Guardians of the Galaxy (Mark: 8.5 out of 11)

THEY LIVE (1989) – AMAZON PRIME

They Live is a classic underrated film from the late 80s and still retains its power as a social sci-fi satire. Hard-done-by drifter Roddy Piper finds himself amidst aliens who have infiltrated Earth and now subliminally control human population through the media and advertising. NOT LIKE REAL LIFE THEN! John Carpenter’s film is both clever and dumb as Piper and a band of rebels fight back against the extra-terrestrial horde. Some plot blips aside this is cracking entertainment and contains some great one-liners and fight scenes. (Mark: 8.5 out of 11)

WORTH A WATCH OR RE-WATCH

AGE OF ADALINE (2015) – NOW TV

Kind of a female Benjamin Button movie as Blake Lively shines as Adaline in a heart-warming romantic drama with the excellent Harrison Ford providing fine support.
(Mark: 7 out of 11)

ALAN PARTRIDGE’S MIDMORNING MATTERS (2016) – NOW TV

Steve Coogan is back on the airwaves with his usual verbal and physical buffoonery. A succession of hilarious guest cameos from the likes of Reece Shearsmith and Julian Barrett make this comedy gold. (Mark: 8 out of 11)

CROOKED MAN: TOMMY TIERNAN (2010) – NETFLIX

This is incredible stand-up comedy from the Irish cyclone that is Tommy Tiernan. The controversial comedian rips through 90 minutes of stunning observations and routines which are replete with lyrical and bestial beauty. (Mark: 9 out of 11)

DOWNFALL (2004) – NETFLIX

I’ve seen this wonderful rendition of Hitler’s final days before but it retains its incredible power and tragedy. Bruno Ganz is monstrously brilliant as the Fuhrer whose murderous empire crumbles around him. The Germans are shown to be dirty rats leaving a sinking ship and there are so many sad scenes throughout; a tough yet enriching experience. (Mark: 9 out of 11)

THE EXPENDABLES 3 (2014) – NETFLIX

This brainless action film shows Stallone, Snipes, Statham, Schwarzenegger etc. taking on Mel Gibson’s nefarious arms dealer; and while it’s ridiculous and over-the-top – as cinematic lobotomies go – it’s not too bad. (Mark: 5.5 out of 11)

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS (2014) – NOW TV

Ridley Scott remakes Gladiator (2000) again but this time in Egypt as Christian Bale’s Moses goes up against Joel Edgerton’s nefarious Pharaoh. Plagues, pestilence, visions of God and the parting of the seas are all present and correct in a pretty entertaining Biblical epic. (Mark: 6.5 out of 11)

GOOD KILL (2014) – NETFLIX

Excellent character drama focussing on a falling-apart Drone pilot portrayed with burnt-out aplomb by Ethan Hawke. It’s a compelling analysis of U.S. foreign policy as they attack various targets in the Middle East and while sympathising with the dehumanisation of the “pilots” it also critiques the almost cowardly destruction of life from a distance.
(Mark: 7.5 out of 11)

THE GRANDMASTER (2013) – NETFLIX

Exquisitely shot martial art-house film from Wong Kar-Wai, which pays tribute to Chinese cultural icon Ip Man portrayed with much class by Tony Leung. The Donnie Yen Ip Man films are more accessible than the poetic storytelling offered here but this still packs a delectable punch. (Mark: 7.5 out of 11)

I AM LOVE (2009) – NETFLIX

Tilda Swinton owns the screen in this melodrama which follows the trials and tribulations of a rich Italian family. Not much occurs but the Italian scenery is breath-taking and while narratively slow, Swinton’s performance and the final act tragedies make it worth the journey. (Mark: 7 out of 11)

THE JINX (2015) – NOW TV

Now, this documentary was something else. A filmmaker named Andrew Jareki made an okay feature film called All Good Things (2010) starring Ryan Gosling. It charted events concerning eccentric multi-millionaire Robert Durst and the disappearance of his wife. Flash forward a few years and Durst asked Jarieki if he’d like to interview him about his situation and what he perceived was a “witch-hunt”. What follows is an amazing documentary featuring Durst and the events around his wife and TWO other people he is suspected of murdering. There’s something not quite right about Durst as the chilling denouement to the compelling docu-series reveals. (Mark: 8 out of 11)

LIFE ON MARS – SEASON 2 (2007) – NETFLIX

Second season of the “time-travel” 70s cop show picks where the first left off with John Simms’ Sam Tyler battling baddies and once again clashing with his boss, the mud-mouthed-maverick Gene Hunt (Philip Glennister). Once again this drama has great humour and plot twists amidst the mind-bending theatrics and Northern seventies era.(Mark: 8 out of 11)

THE NIGHT MANAGER (2016) – BBC IPLAYER

Beautiful women, locations, undercover spies and nefarious bad guys feature in this James Bondesque John Le Carre literary adaptation. The cast including: Tom Hiddleston, Olivia Colman and Hugh Laurie are excellent and the story had me mesmerised right up until the explosive though generically unsatisfying ending. Still, it was overall great quality Sunday evening eye-candy though.(Mark: 8 out of 11)

THE PROGRAM (2015) – SKY MOVIES

This intriguing biopic about cyclist Lance Armstrong follows his battle against cancer to Tour de France winner to disgraced drug cheat. It’s a real eye-opener into the process of the win-at-all-costs Armstrong and his obsessive pursuit of victory. Ben Foster excels in the lead and while the dramatics could have been beefed up toward the conclusion it’s still a fascinating story. (Mark: 7 out of 11)

RED TAILS (2012) – NETFLIX

This is a worthy yet lightweight wartime drama focussing on the Tuskegee Airmen and their aerial dog-fighting prowess that was demonstrated so superbly in WWII. The battle scenes are impressive but the characters felt underwritten and the film lacked impact for such an interesting subject. (Mark: 5 out of 11)

SPRING (2014) – NETFLIX

Intriguing low-budget horror-romance film which moves VERY slowly but is punctuated with some fine gore and body horror effects. The characters I could take or leave as anaemic American tourist, Evan, meets a mysterious young woman, Louise, on the streets on Italy. However, the filmmakers deserve acclaim for attempting to create something original in the horror genre. (Mark: 6.5 out of 11)

STAR TREK: GENERATIONS/ FIRST CONTACT/INSURRECTION (1994/96/98) – NETFLIX

Given myself and my filmmaking partner Gary are making a Star Trek “fan-boy” short film as our next production I decided to immerse myself in some Trek movies; and very good human and science fiction films they are too. Generations sees Kirk (Shatner) and Picard (Patrick Stewart) meet across the time-streams in a giddy mix of philosophy and temporal variance. In First Contact, Picard and crew fight the formidable Borg with the former flexing his action man muscles. Lastly, despite the title Insurrection slows the pace down as Picard falls in love while protecting a peace-loving community called the Ba’ha. All the films are well crafted with First Contact offering the greatest peril as collectively they offer some fine sci-fi concepts, character turns, humour and drama throughout.(Mark: 7.5 out of 11)

STILL LIFE (2013) – NETFLIX

Eddie Marsan is wonderful in this touchingly told story of a council worker who searches for family members of “clients” who’ve died alone. It moves slowly but with heart, purpose and pathos; offering an alternative to the overblown lobotomised big budget films at the multiplex. (Mark: 7.5 out of 11)


STRETCH (2014) – NOW TV

This is a flashy, style-over-substance-day-in-the-life-movie about a burnt out actor/chauffeur who must avoid criminals, cops and crazed clients while trying to stay sober. Patrick Wilson is watchable but I’d only recommend this if you are pissed or unconscious on a Friday night. (Mark: 5 out of 11)

AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE

SEVENTH SON (2014) – NOW TV

Jeff Bridges and the exquisite Julianne Moore take a pay-check but offer little else in this nonsensical fantasy witch-hunter yarn. Awful beyond words. (Mark: 2 out of 11)

THE WITCH (2016) – CINEMA

Be wary of The Witch. Its trailer suggested a scare-fest but it is in essence an overly talky art-house horror; heavy on religious symbolism and folklore. It is very well directed, designed and acted and the broadsheet critics will love it. However, there’s not enough gore, scares or actual story for my liking and at times I was bored as hell. It’s a damned shame as I like horror films and art-house cinema but The Witch just doesn’t make us care about the characters or story at all. (Mark: 3 out of 11)

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU #4 – THE CINEMA

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU #4 – THE CINEMA

Following on from my rants about movie hair, “found footage” films and Zack Snyder the fourth entry in this series is about (drum roll please. . . ) what I hate at the CINEMA! Indeed, as this blog will testify I love the cinema and I LOVE FILMS!!  As often affirmed I am not a religious person yet the cinema is the closest I get to a place of worship for me. However, there are some things I HATE about the cinema-going experience, so, I thought it would be fun to have a rant about it. I mean it’s easy disrespecting things you DON’T like such as: politicians, minor celebrities, cancer, self-service checkout machines, war, Piers Morgan and death! But how about having a go at something I DO like. So, here goes!  Ten things I hate about the cinema. Enjoy!

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#1 – PEOPLE

People generally piss me off at the cinema. I am a reasonably thoughtful person but when I go to the cinema I become a very selfish. I basically start to hate people. Especially if they are: in the way, talking, in the queue, in the toilet and breathing. I recall when I was a student, I loved going to the cinema for the first screening of the day because there was hardly anyone about.  One of my greatest memories is when I saw The Shadow (1994) starring Alec Baldwin.  THERE WAS NO ONE IN THE SCREENING at ALL!!  That was my idea of heaven. Not a great film but a wonderful cinema memory.

#2 – TALKING

People who chat during the film SHOULD BE banned forever! In fact a law should be introduced that there’s NO talking from the trailers onwards.  If you do you are forcibly removed from the screening room.  I go to the cinema to escape reality; YOU or YOUR MATE’S voice-words are reality so SHUT THE FUCK UP!  If you want to have a conversation piss-off to a pub or a shop or a busy road and PLAY IN THE TRAFFIC. Anywhere but the cinema I am in!

#3 – PHONES

Dear People, who use their phones at the cinema: see above! You ARE CUNTS!

#4 – CONFECTIONERY

ALL CONFECTIONERY SHOULD BE BANNED WHEN THE FILM STARTS. The rustling and crisping and slurping is TOO annoying for words. What is it with the cinema and NOT eating beforehand!?  Eat BEFORE!  I guess there’s some Freudian reason for stuffing over-priced popcorn, sugar and crisps into your gobs in the dark.  If it’s an action-based film it’s not so bad as the sound of the film will drown it out. But in a drama which is character and dialogue based then the opening and rustling of packets drives me mad; especially when the people TRY TO BE QUIET!  By trying to be quiet in a dead silent environment only heightens the noise you mug!

#5 – COST

While we’re on the subject of food, let’s face it: the price of popcorn is ridiculous. At present inflation is at an all-time low but NOT for cinema food. For what you get POPCORN is more expensive than COCAINE! And cocaine’s probably better for you. The price of food and drink at the cinema makes motorway service station prices look like Poundland.  Also, I’ve seen a growing trend of so-called shopping ‘tasters’ at the ice cream stand. These cheapskates should be shot!! If you don’t know what the taste of cold-processed-sugared-crap is by now then just die!  IT TASTES OF CHEMICALS and SUGAR!

 #6 – PUNCTUALITY

GET TO THE FILM ON FUCKING TIME! I’ve made it on time! I am comfortable and have to get up, or have my view blocked, because you’re late. You shouldn’t be allowed in; especially if the film has started!  There’s no excuse people – NO EXCUSE!

#7 – TRAILERS!

More and more trailers are just a summary of the WHOLE film! This is lazy! An example of a terrible trailer was a film called Fast Girls (2012) which essentially gave the WHOLE PLOT away in chronological order. Even Oscar winners Spotlight (2015) and Argo (2012) chose key dialogue scenes which span out the spine of the film and left nothing to the experience. I also lament the loss of the Voiceover Guy. I loved that guy; he really raised the sense of suspense or horror. To me a trailer should suggest and create intrigue rather give away the story or even mislead the audience. Indeed, the trailer for Sweeney Todd (2007) had NO musical numbers in it even though IT WAS A MUSICAL!  Now HERE’S A PROPER TRAILER!

#8 – HEGEMONY

I like a decent blockbuster but the hegemonic domination of the multiplexes means smaller films don’t often get a chance. I used to love repertory cinemas such as the Scala in King’s Cross (which is now a nightclub and live music venue) but alas these cinemas are a dying breed. We do have Prince Charles which is great but even some independents are NOT truly independent like the PICTUREHOUSE chain, as they are owned by Cineworld. I’m probably just being nostalgic for a non-capitalist dream but it just irks me when a Marvel or Disney film is released on ALL the screens at the same time and smaller films vanish rapidly; lost in the huge capitalist machine that is greed.

#9 – ADVERTISING

Slowly but surely a film programme is getting longer and longer!!   Showtime is advertised at 7.00pm but the film doesn’t start until fucking midnight. I’ve paid NOT to see adverts! To me it should be THREE adverts and THREE trailers and that’s it!!  Plus the adverts get shown AFTER the TRAILERS too – THERE’S NO ESCAPE!  I accept adverts, like politics, are a necessary evil in society but they’re STILL EVIL!  If I pay £13 for a cinema ticket I’ve paid for the privilege of NOT being eye-punched to death by advertising.  The amount of advertising actually makes me nostalgic for Pearl & Dean. Oh, for the good old days!

#10 – NOT THE CINEMA!

Basically, I know people are broke and the cinema is expensive but if you watch a BIG BLOCKBUSTER film on an illegal download – THEN YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT!! I realise Hollywood isn’t going broke anytime soon and you’re probably NOT funding terrorism but you are disrespecting the cinema – so GO TO THE CINEMA!!  Just don’t do any of the above THINGS I’ve listed above, and as long as you don’t go when I go, then go watch a movie where it’s meant to be seen! Not on an Iphone or a Tablet but at THE CINEMA!  OBEY!

MY CINEMATIC ROMANCE #8 – LENNY ABRAHAMSON

MY CINEMATIC ROMANCE #8 – LENNY ABRAHAMSON

Bit of a change up for this blog concept as my prior seven articles have been given over to praising actors but I thought: why not praise filmmakers too? In this instance I have, of late, been blown away by the brilliance of the director Lenny Abrahamson. He is an Irish film artist who has made FIVE films; and they are ALL, in their own way, little masterpieces. Working within the socio-realist and humanist style he is drawn to characters that either live on the outskirts of society or through their actions or personalities are pushed away by the world. His films are small in scale but massive in heart. Even the most microscopic event ripples with emotion in Abrahamson’s work as he focusses on those rejected or imprisoned by patriarchal and capitalist society.

Abrahamson’s films imbue the same emotional energy of the neo-realism and social realism genres. His authorial style and themes also evoke the work of: Vittorio DeSica, Alan Clarke, Karel Reisz, Mike Leigh and Ken Loach. He has a subtle documentary style as his work represents the human condition in all its glorious failures. Most of all the characters in all his films, whatever their situation, are tremendously empathetic and Abrahamson’s power as a storyteller is to make us feel the pain, despair and joy they feel. He’s been nominated for a Best Director Oscar for the incredible film Room (2015) and I think he deserves to win it. Not just for Room but for ALL the films he has made!

**CONTAINS SPOILERS**

 ADAM AND PAUL (2004)  

This black comedy about two junkies trying to get a hit manages to be both hilarious and sad simultaneously. It’s set over the course of twenty-four hours as our eponymous anti-heroes begin the day surrounded by a bleak landscape with no idea where they are. All they want is a fix and trudge from one estranged encounter to another attempting to avoid the law and various Dublin lunatics. They are pathetic creatures but their plight is played for dark laughs notably in the shoplifting scene and their encounter with the Bulgarian guy on the bench.

While they are at times loathsome the humour in the script (written by Mark O’Halloran who played Adam), terrific direction and performances really drag us into these two lowlife’s rotten existence. They are trapped by their own addiction and live moment to moment; with fate and chance buffering them from one crazy episode to another. This is a great feature debut from Abrahamson which shows even the most hopeless side of humanity can be tinged with humour.

GARAGE (2007)

I caught this one of Film Four a few years ago. I thought I’d watch ten minutes and go to sleep but 90 minutes later I was transfixed by a very simple but heart-breaking character study. It concerns Josie – portrayed by Father Ted actor Pat Shortt – and his lonely existence as a simple garage attendant in an Irish rural village. Josie is, one may argue autistic in some way, or at least showing evidence of learning difficulties.  However, he is hard-working, pleasant and harmless enough. While he suffers ribbing and derision from some townsfolk he laughs it off mainly.

The film moves slowly establishing real empathy for this simple man and symbolises his outside status by comparing him to a horse he has befriended which is tied up alone in the field. Then, in an act of friendship towards a teenage boy working with him, Josie unravels his humble life causing the town and law to turn against him. The only thing Josie is guilty of is naivety really and the tragedy of the final act is very potent. Abrahamson, writer Mark O’Halloran and the brilliant Pat Shortt deliver a masterclass in understated human drama about the little guy who would never harm anyone but is turned away for one mistake.

WHAT RICHARD DID (2012)

Abrahamson’s third film is different from his first two inasmuch as he shifts focus from the lower or working classes of Ireland to a financially better-off protagonist. However, the conflict is still very powerful despite the privileged nature of the character. Indeed, Richard Karlsen is a young, handsome, middle-class, rugby-playing lad with a very good future ahead of him. That is until one fateful night when a drunken mistake leads to tragedy and a moral dilemma for Richard and his father (Lars Mikkelsen) to deal with. The film asks us the important question: what would you do if you committed a crime? Would you come forward and admit guilt or try and get away with it?

It’s a film not necessarily just about what Richard did; but more about what he, his friends and subsequently his father do NOT do. I do not want to give away Richard’s actions but similar to Garage he makes a tragic choice, although the outcome is far more fatal than Josie’s naïve gesture. The impact of Richard’s dilemma is heightened by his abandonment and separation from his father, friends and the wider community. Like many of Abrahamson’s characters Richard – portrayed superbly by Jack Reynor – ultimately ends up alone and the film stands as a critique of patriarchy, while examining the nature of consequences and the overpowering shock of guilt.

FRANK (2014)

I used to listen to Frank Sidebottom (AKA Chris Sievey) on the John Peel sessions when I was a teenager and while baffled by this strange entertainer, I always enjoyed the alternative nature and humour of his music. Of course I was also intrigued by the fact this eccentric Northerner was pictured in the NME and Melody Maker wearing a papier mache head on. So, in truth a film about this character interested me somewhat but I just thought it may be weird for weird sake. However, Abrahamson, once again, has crafted – from a script by Jon Ronson and Peter Straughan – a tremendously odd yet moving character study inspired by Frank Sidebottom.

The story focusses on Jon (Domnhall Gleeson) and his encounters with Frank’s experimental rock band, as he attempts to apply order to a chaotic creative process. In the subtext however, it’s also a moving study of mental illness, and how during the highs and lows of manic depression creativity can flourish. Of course, this doesn’t always transfer, as Jon discovers, to commercial success and ultimately the band like Frank self-implode to obscurity. Scene after scene of weird and wonderful events occur throughout leading to a very poignant reveal of Frank’s face when the mask finally comes off. The final scene is a revelation as the band play together alone once again. Here the majestic Fassbender, as Frank, rips out our heartstrings happy just to play music again with his band.

ROOM (2015)

Room is an amazing film. Probably the best and most moving I have seen for a long time. It concerns Joy (the incredible Brie Larson) and her young son Jack (stunning Jacob Tremblay) who have been abducted and trapped in a shed by a nefarious kidnapper referred only as “Old Nick”.   The film is presented from the innocent boy’s perspective and the pathos and empathy I felt throughout was both touching and heart breaking. What the writer’s premise does and filmmakers do is make you care about the characters immediately making every scene so suspenseful and soulful. If you are captured by stories about proper characters trying to survive dire events then it’s a must see.

These are characters who have been physically and emotionally imprisoned by a masculine world and are attempting to gain freedom. The way Joy protects her son from Old Nick brought a lump to the throat. Moreover, the escape scene with Jack playing dead had my heart beating frenetically. The budget was low at $6 million yet director Lenny Abrahamson, his brilliant cast and writer Emma Donoghue have created a masterpiece in emotional storytelling. Ultimately, it’s a film not just about isolation, abandonment and the horror of humanity; but also the unbridled love a mother has for their child and child for their mother. Right up to the final gut-wrenching scene is a truly stunning film which will linger in the memory for some time to come.

SCREENWASH REVIEWS– JANUARY 2016

SCREENWASH REVIEWS– JANUARY 2016

Last year was a very good year for filmmaking but 2016 is shaping up even better already. You know the scene in Pulp Fiction (1994) where Bruce Willis’ character is moving from one weapon to a bigger/better one before he tortures Zed in the basement?  That’s what cinema going is like for me in January. I’ve seen so many brilliant films in succession either as good as or better than the last.  Moreover, the Oscar fodder is launched on the silver screen thus; I saw NOT one, but FOUR films which are already likely to be on my Best of 2016 list.

I’ve slightly tweaked my FILM/TV review format so instead of covering, in detail, EVERYTHING I saw, I’ve made it a bit punchier and reviewed in depth the best of the best. As usual – marks out of eleven!

**CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS**

CINEMA FILMS OF THE MONTH – ROOM (2015) + THE REVENANT (2015)


ROOM
(2015) – (MARK: 10.5 out of 11)

Room is an amazing film. Probably the best and most moving I will see ALL year. It concerns Joy (the incredible Brie Larson) and her young son Jack (stunning Jacob Tremblay) who have been abducted and trapped in a shed by a nefarious kidnapper referred only as “Old Nick”.

The film is presented from the innocent boy’s perspective and the pathos and empathy I felt throughout was both touching and heart breaking. What the writer’s premise does and filmmakers do is make you care about the characters immediately making every scene so suspenseful and soulful. If you are captured by stories about proper characters trying to survive dire events then it’s a must see.

The budget was low at $6 million yet director Lenny Abrahamson, his brilliant cast and writer Emma Donoghue have created a masterpiece in emotional storytelling.  Ultimately, it’s a film not just about isolation, abandonment and the horror of humanity; but also the unbridled love a mother has for their child and child for their mother. This is a truly stunning film which will linger in the memory for some time to come.

THE REVENANT (2015) – (MARK: 10 out of 11)

While Room is intimate and claustrophobic, The Revenant was the polar opposite. It’s a massive, heart pounding survival epic that must be seen on the biggest cinema screen you can find. Don’t stream it illegally online you cheap bastards; leave the house and GO TO THE CINEMA!

It concerns a Trappers’ expedition circa 1823 which is assaulted most violently by the indigenous Arikara Native Americans from the get go. The brutal attack set-piece kicks off the film in startling fashion with fire, blood and bone spilling and crunching and blasting death upon our characters. Our hero – Oscar-winner-elect – Leonardo DiCaprio is a tracker, Hugh Glass, whose expertise is required to get the survivors across the cold and brutal landscape in one piece.  But he is attacked by a bear in one of the most incredible feats of filmmaking I have seen in a long time. It just has to be seen to be believed as Glass is ripped to shreds by the bear leaving him at death’s step knocking on the door.

DiCaprio is then left with his Native American son and the greasy John Fitzgerald portrayed with dirty aplomb by brilliant Tom Hardy, as the rest head back to “civilization.” After which it’s safe to say that things don’t go too well for Glass as the money-grubbing Fitzgerald double-crosses him and leaves him for dead precipitating a series of deadly encounters that left me gasping for air and shaken to the heart of my dramatic core.

This is just superb, grueling, bloody and beautiful filmmaking! Inarritu adds some exquisite artistic touches and the cinematography and vistas are a thing of beauty. The filmmaking team spent nine months shooting the film and they have given birth to an epic masterpiece which, while a simple revenge story at heart, beats a powerful drum to the testament of the human spirit and against-the-odds survival. If you’re not watching this on a massive cinema screen then you haven’t seen it at all!

OTHER CINEMA FILMS

THE BIG SHORT (2015) – (MARK: 9 out of 11)

This is a very entertaining film satire about the global economic crash and the 2008 housing meltdown. It simplified everything in a very amusing fashion and felt like an extended American Office, both in style and humour. Steve Carell and Christian Bale are on particularly good form as are the rest of a very attractive case.  Bankers, Brokers, Regulators and the Government are presented as crooked, greedy, moronic or all of the above! I’m still shocked this actually happened as I have always held humanity in such high regard. NOT!

CREED (2015) – (MARK: 8 out of 11)

For a genre/franchise/boxing film CREED is a fantastic watch; full of emotional ups and downs. Stallone is terrific as ageing Rocky Balboa and this movie harked back to the raw quality of the first Rocky (1976). Ryan Coogler proved with Fruitvale Station (2013) he can direct real heartfelt drama and illustrates it once again here. The boxing scenes are impressive and Michael B. Jordan proves he is a very natural performer as the film delivers some proper knockout entertainment.

DANISH GIRL (2015) – (MARK: 7.5 out of 11)

Eddie Redmayne truly delivers in this story about Einar Wegener/Lili Elbe and their attempts to reassign gender. Alicia Vikander as Gerda Wegener is equally brilliant as Einar’s wife, who at first sees her husband’s flirtations with female impersonation as a game but realises it is much more than that. Overall, this is stunningly attractive filmmaking set in 1920s Copenhagen which could arguably have had a touch more dramatic bite. Yet, Tom Hooper is a formidable director of beautifully humane dramas and this is a touching testament to a person trapped and prepared to risk it all to escape.

 
THE HATEFUL EIGHT (2015) – (MARK: 9.5 out of 11)

Any other month this would have been my film of the month.  I love Westerns. I love Tarantino films (mostly). I love brilliant dialogue. I love lots of blood and violence.  Here QT remakes Reservoir Dogs (1992) via Agatha Christie, setting it in the snowy West of America circa 1870s.  It concerns eight hard-bitten souls consisting of criminals, bounty hunters and soldiers and the mayhem that ensues as they cross paths.

Set pretty much in one location there is tension and bullets galore by the end. However, the main strength lies in the ensemble cast firing verbal stingers at each other as trust breaks down and the characters turn against each other as the plot thickens. Kurt Russell, Walton Goggins and Samuel L. Jackson are real standouts and Jennifer Jason Leigh holds her own amidst the sweat and testosterone.

Though not as epic in stature as Django Unchained (2012), and in need of a wee trim, this is a fine movie which will improve on subsequent views. Tarantino is a proper auteur and can always be relied on to deliver an impressive work of entertainment. Mustn’t forget Ennio Morricone’s awesome score either, which haunts the scenes like the Reaper on collection day.

IN THE HEART OF THE SEA (2015) – (MARK: 7.5 out of 11)

Ever dependable Ron Howard has crafted an excellent adventure and survival story. A well evoked period drama Chris “Thor” Hemsworth takes to the high seas on the hunt for whales, only to come up against the white “monster” which would inspire Herman Melville’s literary classic Moby Dick. Men against nature and the elements always play well on the big screen and overall, it’s very solid entertainment. While the bookended script is old-fashioned by design it has subtext too, indicating the importance oil has always played within our society.

SPOTLIGHT (2015) – (MARK: 9 out of 11)

This is yet another Oscar-runner with an incredible true story at its heart. The film “spotlights” the Boston Globe’s investigation into endemic paedophilia and subsequent cover up by the Catholic Church. It’s a riveting story with a fantastic ensemble cast including Mark Ruffalo and Michael Keaton on very fine form.

Screenwriters Tom McCarthy and Josh Singer have crafted a sterling script that gets into the minutiae of a press investigation and also reveals the corruption and hypocrisy in organised religion, public relations and the legal system.  Just when you think people couldn’t get any lower stories like this highlight the darkness at the heart of humanity.  Thankfully, the press gang at the Boston Globe has proved more than just celebrity-baiters and given the victims of horrific abuse both a voice and justice.

TV, DVD, BLU RAY, NETFLIX and other STREAMERS

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ADAM AND PAUL (2004) – YOUTUBE – (MARK: 9 out of 11)

Irish black comedy about two junkies trying to get a hit; manages to be both hilarious and sad simultaneously. Great feature debut from Lenny Abrahamson.

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN (2013) NETFLIX – (MARK: 8 out of 11)

More bonkers horror as witchcraft, murder and voodoo mix to grisly and hilarious effect.


AND THEN THERE WERE NONE (2015) – BBC1 – (MARK: 8 out of 11)

Stylish drama with a stellar cast committing murder most foul in fine Agatha Christie adaptation.

BLUE RUIN (2014) – NETFLIX – (MARK: 6 out of 11)

Impressive low budget neo-noir let down by the bad plotting and unsympathetic lead protagonist. 

THE FALLING (2014) – AMAZON PRIME – (Mark: 6 out of 11)

Artful period drama about fainting young girls starts well but runs out of story by the end.

THE HUNTER (2011) – AMAZON PRIME – (Mark: 7 out of 11)

Intriguing Aussie drama as Willem Dafoe’s hired gun tracks down the last Tasmanian tiger.

ROME – SEASON 1 – (2005) – NETFLIX – (MARK – 8 out of 11)

Brilliant Caesarean drama with devilish plotting and bloodier battles plus a cracking cast.


SHERLOCK: THE ABOMINABLE BRIDE (2015) – BBC1 – (Mark: 8 out of 11)

Oh-so-clever-meta-drama featured Holmes & Watson on the trail of a ghostly murderess in a wedding dress. Stylish with little substance but entertaining nonetheless.

SLOW WEST (2014) – NOW TV – (Mark: 7 out of 11)

Idiosyncratic Western that is too pretentious in places, but saved by ever-excellent Michael Fassbender and a fine shoot-out at the end.

THEORY OF EVERYTHING (2014) – NOW TV – (Mark: 7 out of 11)

Eddie Redmayne bagged the Oscar for his portrait of Stephen Hawking in this beautifully acted, lovely looking, yet, dramatically tepid romance-biopic.

WHAT RICHARD DID (2012) – DVD – (Mark: 8 out of 11)

Slow moving but impactful drama from Lenny Abrahamson, as a rich teenager’s actions causes massive reverberations amidst an Irish family and the wider community.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

THE VISIT (2015) – SKY STORE – (MARK: 2 out of 11)

Some said this was a return to form for M. Night Shyamalan – IT WASN’T! Dreadful supposed horror film with one of the most annoying child actors I’ve had the displeasure to witness.

MY FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2015

MY FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2015

Overall, 2015 was a highly satisfactory cultural year for me. I went to some cracking musical events including gigs by: The Prodigy, Johnny Marr and the Nozstock Festival. I attended the theatre more times than ever before notably Gypsy, View From The Bridge and Oppenheimer and watched some fine live comedy by Paul Foot and Stewart Lee. I also witnessed some marvellous television shows, both new and on catch-up including: Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle 3, Better Call Saul, Daredevil, Going Clear, American Horror Story (Seasons 1 & 2), South Park, Doctor Who, Gomorrah, Fargo (Season 1) to name a few.

Of course, the cinema remains my church; the hallowed place at which I preserve my holiest of prayer and last year was very enjoyable. Some big blockbuster films like Spectre and The Force Awakens were decent entertainment but not as great as many said. Marvel continued to hoover up the profits on behalf of Disney and their Age of Ultron was a decent enough episode in the franchise. So, here are my favouritest films I saw last year. They are not necessarily the best or most artsy but they are the ones where I left the cinema feeling uplifted intellectually and emotionally.  Either that or they were just bloody good entertainment!

Here they are in alphabetical order with marks out of 11 plus a quote from my original review.

**THERE MAY BE SPOILERS**

ANT-MAN (2015)

“It’s simplistic narrative-wise but what it does have is a fizzing script full of zingers and comedic moments as well as some great action set-pieces built around a complex but well-orchestrated final act heist.” (Mark: 8.5 out of 11)

BEASTS OF NO NATION (2015)

“This is a stunning drama which leaves you battered and burnt emotionally.  It’s about a civil war in Africa and the child soldiers whom are ripped from their families and made to fight for despotic mad men. Don’t watch if you are easily upset.” (Mark: 9 out of 11)

BIRDMAN (2014)

“. . .an intellectual and artsy dark comedy about loads of stuff involving: celebrity, identity, artistic credibility, insanity, family, f*cked up egos, vanity as well as analysing the creative process. It is NOT a superhero film but a satire on that kind of thing” (Mark: 9/11)

CAROL (2015)

“Todd Haynes beautifully shot and designed period love story has a standout performance from Cate Blanchett and great support from Rooney Mara. . . poetic storytelling, deft direction, stunning design and photography plus the cinematic score of the year from Carter Burwell.”  (Mark: 8.5/11)

DHEEPAN (2015)

“. . . brilliant character study about immigrants in France, attempting to forge a life in the crime-ridden estates of Paris. What starts as a humane tale of survival crosses over into explosive thriller territory by the end.” (Mark: 9/11)

FOXCATCHER (2014)

“A powerful and haunting tragedy with incredibly subtle direction, this complex psychological thriller which shines a light on billionaire John DuPont and his fascination with fraternal Olympic wrestlers Mark and Dave Schultz” (Mark: 9/11)

JOHN WICK (2014)

“As John Wick, Keanu Reeves absolutely blows the back doors off as a “retired” assassin who rampages after the gangsters who killed his dog.” (Mark: 8.5/11)

 

KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE (2014)

“Pitch perfect pace and delivery by cast and crew as the script hybridizes kitchen sink, action and spy genres. To quote the parlance of our age: “The film is well sick, bruv!” (Mark: 9/11)

 

THE LOBSTER (2015)

“It’s weird, wonderful and very funny as Colin Farrell plays a single man – in the not-too-distant-future – who has a limited time to find a mate or he’ll be turned into an animal of his choice. Obviously, he chooses the eponymous crustacean and what ensues is a peculiarly dark and hilarious satire of human relationships and dating mores. . . “ (Mark: 9.5/11)

 

MAD MAX: FURY ROAD (2015)

“There isn’t really any plot to speak of on the Fury Road but what you get is an incredible visual feast with carnage galore and some incredible stunts in a barren yet beautiful desert setting.  Hardy and Theron share great chemistry within the action and Miller executes some mesmerising moments of dialogue-free pure cinema.” (Mark: 9.5/11)

PREDESTINATION (2014) 

“. . .if you like any of the following: TimeCrimes (2007), Looper (2012), The Adjustment Bureau (2011), Time After Time (1979), Back to the Future (1985), The Terminator (1984), Doctor Who etcetera… then do watch this one. It’s a fine low-budget time-travel film starring Ethan Hawke and breakout performance from brilliant Sarah Snook.” (Mark: 9/11)

WHIPLASH (2014) 

“Echoes of Officer and a Gentlemen (1992) and Full Metal Jacket (1987) with the fearsome Drill Sergeant battering the young grunts but at a middle-class music school – sterling stuff! (Mark: 9/11)

 

WILD TALES (2015) 

“. . . delivers a dark sarcasm and hilarity via six separate stories concerning themes of: revenge, political corruption, class division and bloody violence! It opens with a breath-taking little prologue featuring a horrific incident on a plane and culminates in arguably the wildest tale when the Bride goes on the rampage at her wedding. The film delivers a full deck of twists that master of the macabre Roald Dahl would be proud of.” (Mark: 10/11)

MY CINEMATIC ROMANCE #6: ROBERT DENIRO

MY CINEMATIC ROMANCE #6:  ROBERT DENIRO

“If you don’t know Robert DeNiro – he used to be an actor.” Doug Stanhope

In a recent stand-up special Beer Hall Putsch drunken, irreverent funny man Doug Stanhope does an extended routine about Jake La Motta. During the hilarious piece he refers to Raging Bull and more specifically Robert DeNiro. As the above quote suggests DeNiro’s career in the last few years has been more akin to that of a jobbing journeyman with the occasional flash of former genius thrown in.

With forgettable roles in Grudge Match (2013), Killer Elite (2011), Showtime (2002) and many more, his C.V. reads like something Steven Seagal would be hard-pushed to be proud of. He has, it seems recently, aside from a few David O. Russell films, been picking acting roles based on scheduling and a pay-cheque rather than their artistic merits. But hey who am I to worry about a man making a few quid; we all have to pay the rent!

Yet, from a craft perspective it is worth remembering DeNiro appeared in films by some of the great directors such as: Scorcese, Bertolucci, DePalma, Mann, Tarantino and Coppola. At one stage he was the greatest ever living actor and here are SIX roles to remind us of that. It was a tough choice but these are my FAVOURITE performances of, perhaps THE finest actor of a generation.

**MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS**

MEAN STREETS (1973)

Harvey Keitel is the lead character, Charlie, in this classic-early-Scorcese-urban-street-epic, but DeNiro steals every scene as the ducker-and-diver Johnny Boy. It’s a funny and violent performance containing that trademark grin, verbal dexterity and cool intensity which would become hallmarks of the young Italian’s subsequent performances. His Johnny Boy is flighty and unreliable compared to Keitel’s solid gangster-wannabe and their scenes together are a particular joy as Johnny Boy drives Charlie mad with his irresponsible nature.

TAXI DRIVER (1976)

Isolation and slow psychosis have never been so compelling in DeNiro’s portrayal of lonely anti-hero Travis Bickle. Schrader, Scorcese and DeNiro were young, edgy artists who delivered a character study which found Vietnam veteran, Bickle, trying to stay sane on the bleak, venal streets of New York. DeNiro bleeds desperation and desire for love and hope. Bickle so desperately tries to fit in with society and do right by people but he’s just too wired to achieve this socially. However, via mania and violence he finds redemption and the acknowledgement of the humanity he so desperately craves.

RAGING BULL (1980)

In terms of marrying both a physical and psychologically formidable performance then THIS is probably DeNiro’s finest role. Obviously he’s famous for putting on a shedload of weight for prize-fighting role of Jake La Motta, however, it’s not a gimmick to sell a film. No, the weight gain is part of the character’s arc as he moves from prime physical masculinity and deteriorates to a fat, useless mess of a man who has pushed all his loved ones away due to mounting paranoia and self-loathing. DeNiro designs a character who hates himself and others and whose ability to suck up punishment and pain is a boon to his boxing ability but detrimental to his sanity. In this performance DeNiro proves there is most certainly method in the madness; a stunning film for which the Italian deservedly won a Best Actor Oscar!

KING OF COMEDY (1983)

In this stunning, dark comedy of embarrassment DeNiro is the deluded stand-up comedian who is SO desperate to get a break he kidnaps a leading chat show host portrayed by the wonderfully jaded Jerry Lewis. DeNiro is brilliant at all forms of madness whether it be: psychos, paranoiacs or the obsessively maladjusted such as hapless Pupkin. I can identify with the character though as he is just so desperate to gain fame his persistence, if not his methods, are actually something to be admired. Not known for his comic roles generally, DeNiro is fantastically funny with his skippy walk, bad dress sense, ticks, delivery and imaginary conversations with the celebrities he so badly longs to work aside. You know what too: his stand-up comedy isn’t actually that bad either. Overall, stalking and obsession have never been so funny or painful.

MIDNIGHT RUN (1988)

What! No Godfather II! No Deerhunter (1978)! No Heat (1995)! And no Casino (1995). Not trying to be contrary but I love this film. It is a rollicking road movie and concerns ulcerated bail-bondsmen, Jack Walsh (DeNiro), who must take a fastidious accountant (Grodin) on a “midnight run” to ensure he testifies against a violent gang boss (Dennis Farina). Obviously, as this is a buddy movie the two “opposite” characters bicker and fight over the course of the story but eventually settle their differences and find a common bond. The pace never lets up as the two “rivals” use every form of transport possible to get across country and it was great to see DeNiro in a less serious role cutting loose with a witty and zinging script.  DeNiro brings a world weary pain and cynical humour to a great genre character film.

GOODFELLAS (1990)

As far back as I can remember this has always been my favourite gangster film. Scorcese, Pileggi, Pesci, Liotta and DeNiro were all on fire here in this epic ensemble character story focussing on the rags-to-riches-to-rags-again-narrative of mobster Henry Hill. Yes, Liotta is the lead and Pesci won the Oscar but DeNiro steals pretty much all his scenes as Jimmy “The Gent” Conway. His characterisation is of a charming man who is in fact a bloodthirsty yet charismatic career criminal. DeNiro’s arc shows a man graduating from lorry-jacks to masterminding one of the biggest robberies ever in American history before descending into paranoia and an aging gangster always looking over his shoulder.

DeNiro would give other commanding or at least interesting performances later in his career, for example: Cape Fear (1991), Casino (1995), Heat (1995), Everybody’s Fine (2009), Jackie Brown (1997) and Silver Linings Playbook (2012) but his CV since Goodfellas is, if I’m honest, very patchy. So let us not forget that he has provided some of the most memorable celluloid performances ever. Yes! I’m talking to you!

“YOU’RE HAVING A BATH” – SOME GREAT MOVIE BATHROOM SCENES

“YOU’RE HAVING A BATH” – SOME GREAT MOVIE BATHROOM SCENES

I’m unsure why but I thought it may be fun to look at some classic movie bathroom scenes.  Perhaps to take my mind off the horrible conflict in Syria which has escalated now?  Perhaps just to remind us how great some of the films on this list are?  Anyway, the bathroom is a place where we spend the beginning/middle/end of our day cleansing ourselves or relaxing or having some ME time. It also happens to be a good place hide, fight, murder and haunt people in culminating in some classic scenes of horror, comedy and drama.

(NOTE TO PEDANTS: most of these scenes are exclusive to the actual bathroom but there could be slight toilet crossover!)

**CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS**


LES DIABOLIQUES (1955) – HENRI-GEORGES CLOUZOT

DO NOT WATCH THIS CLIP IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FILM!!   IT GIVES AWAY THE WHOLE END!!

A massive influence on Psycho (1960) this story of murder and betrayal at a boarding school in France is a brilliant and devious thriller. It also has one of the scariest ending of all time!

PSYCHO (1960) – ALFRED HITCHOCK

THAT shower scene!  Need I say more!

THE SHINING (1980) – STANLEY KUBRIK

“Here’s Johnny!”   Bathrooms and toilets represent danger throughout when Jack encounters a naked nefarious women and the creepy butler earlier in the story. But, after a slow-burning descent into madness Jack Torrance finally cracks with Nicholson on fine maniacal form in this iconic scene from the Kubrik classic!

SCARFACE (1983) – BRIAN DEPALMA

Tony Montana’s rise from “political refugee” to peaky cocaine King is not without its violent troughs. One such scene occurs when he witnesses a colleague ripped apart by a chainsaw. I feel sorry for the cleaner of the apartment block after this wicked sequence.

NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984) – WES CRAVEN

You’ve had a hard week and you need to soak your bones and a dead serial killer invades your bath-time dreams. You don’t need that do you!  Great nod to Jaws (1975) too in this horrific scene.


FULL METAL JACKET
(1987) – STANLEY KUBRIK

The disintegration of Private Pyle (Vincent D’Onofrio) at the hands of Sgt. Hartman is a grim series featuring physical and mental torture. The episodes are painful and microcosmic in relation to what military life can do to a human being. This tragic latrine scene is memorable and unexpectedly brutal as it culminates in bloody death.

FATAL ATTRACTION (1987) – ADRIAN LYNE

The film that gave us the phrase “bunny boiler” is a taut, scary thriller of the sex, lies and obsession variety.  The fantastic scare-ending though is the one that really sticks in the memory as Glenn Close goes mental following harsh rejection by Michael Douglas’ have-your-cake-and-eat-it-cheat.

THE BIG LEBOWSKI (1998) – ETHAN AND JOEL COEN

The Coen Brothers classic stoner detective film has many, many classic scenes but I defy any writer to come up with a comedic concept funnier than a character being threatened in a bath by nihilists with a ferret!  Pure comedy gold!

WHAT LIES BENEATH (2000) – ROBERT ZEMECKIS

Zemeckis made this film in between shooting of Castaway (2000) while Tom Hanks lost loads of weight and it’s a really decent suspense thriller.  Getting drugged by your husband and unable to move is not the kind of date night you imagine will happen. Indeed, never has the creeping fill of a bath been so terrifying!

TRAINING DAY (2001) – ANTOINE FUQUA

At first watch I thought this scene was a bit of a narrative cheat. However, with a shotgun at Ethan Hawke’s head the suspense is palpable and how he escapes is fitting. Because, this clever and ruthless urban Western is about karma and retribution; with Hoyt’s earlier noble actions saving him from certain death.

DAWN OF THE DEAD (2004) – ZACH SNYDER

Before he set about ruining the Superman franchise Zach Snyder made some decent facsimiles of other artists work such as 300 (2006) and this souped-up George Romero remake.  The early scenes are the most dramatic because the bloodthirsty zombies are out the traps like Usain Bolt, as Sarah Polley finds when she’s trapped in her bathroom.

CASINO ROYALE (2006) – MARTIN CAMPBELL

This sequence rebooted Bond for the Millennium perfectly as he takes down a hardy spy in the bathroom while confirming his “00” status in the process. It’s a brutal, clinical and a perfect prologue for a great Bond film. The scene is touchingly counterpointed when Bond calms Vesper Lynd down in the shower in an altogether less violent scene later on.

SHAKESPEARE’S SISTER – A CULTURAL REVIEW

SHAKESPEARE’S SISTER – A CULTURAL REVIEW

Pretty bloody busy for me during October with all manner of cultural exploits. I cannot take full credit for the invites to three of these events though as my wonderful girlfriend Melissa obtained the tickets for the theatre, Gala cinema screening and French Jazz master’s performance. So, a big thanks to her for that. Anyway, here’s some stuff I’ve been up to which may be of interest or may not.

ARCELORMITTAL ORBIT – OLYMPIC PARK

Apropos of just fancying a look about the old East End of London I, Melissa and my son Rhys went to Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park in Stratford and went up and then went down the ArcelorMittal Orbit. It’s a big, metal monster-tower made out of scrap and designed by Anish Kapoor. It’s an incredible engineering feat and the view was breathtaking. Walking down the caged-in metal spiral was pretty good exercise too so a cultural and physically stimulating afternoon was had by all.

OLYMPIC_PARK_3

HAMLET – BARBICAN THEATRE

Sherlock Holmes does Hamlet!  How cool is that!  And yes he does solve the murders!  I really enjoyed this atmospheric production of Shakespeare’s classic existentialist tale of the young Prince seeking revenge for the death of his father. Obviously, the marquee signing of Benedict Cumberbatch raises expectations and he delivers a manic and thoughtful and polished performance. There’s some fine sarcastic bite in his delivery as his Prince veers from confident young clown to depressed and self-destructive lunatic.  At times the pace was breath-taking as the dialogue was spun out a furious velocity while on occasions – not enough for me – the cast slowed to allow the drama to breathe. The set and lighting design was incredible and Cumberbatch is supported by a terrific cast including Ciaran Hinds, Jim Norton, Sian Brooke and Anastasia Hille. I don’t know much about theatre really but this was really rather good I reckon.

JOHNNY MARR AT THE LONDON FORUM

What a great gig at the Forum by Johnny Marr. The former Smiths’ maestro is one of the best guitarists I have ever seen live. Not the strongest of voices but suitable for the style of indie-Dad-rock he performs. There are moments of transcendent genius in his guitar playing which careered across the venue. His solo stuff is musically formidable but of course The Smiths renditions tore the roof off notably: How Soon Is Now and There is a Light That Never Goes Out. He even did a burst cover of Crash by The Primitives. Life is a fleeting affair so one must grasp and grip the rail when greatness comes along. I felt privileged tonight as it was a fine time spent in the presence of a musical genius.

MICHEL LE GRAND – RONNIE SCOTT’S

It was my first time at Ronnie Scott’s jazz club and I was very pleased to hear legendary French composer and lyricist Michel Legrand live before he shuffles off to the great orchestra in the sky. Le Grand composed music from The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964) and Yentl (1983); while perhaps his most famous composition was The Windmills of Your Mind. I’ve never liked Jazz yet after Michel Legrand’s incredible musical performance I fully appreciate the tour de force expertise of his creativity and musical brilliance. I still don’t like Jazz but appreciate I was in the presence of a master of that particular art! Even at the age of 83 he was magnifique.

SUFFRAGETTE WORLD PREMIERE GALA – THE LONDON FILM FESTIVAL

Melissa won us the “red carpet” treatment for this Gala screening of Suffragette (2015) and it was a starry affair with the likes of Carey Mulligan, Helena Bonham-Carter and Meryl Streep onstage to present their powerful film to the world.  I didn’t feel that comfortable walking in amongst the West End throng into the cinema as I’m not someone who likes a fuss and I always feel these affairs are pretentious, ostentatious and very much against my hypocritical “socialist” roots. Am I a working class traitor – who knows?  I still enjoyed the free Green and Black’s chocolate which was in the arm of the Odeon Leicester Square chair where I sat.

The film itself is a cracking drama which has fine direction by Sarah Gavron with a simple, yet effective screenplay by Abi Morgan.  It is a worthy cause celebre to film and stands a fine testament to the brave women who fought for the right to vote.  Ironically, there was a protest there from Sisters Uncut about the important issues of this bastard Government’s austerity cuts and here’s to them for making their protest. I would have joined them but was too busy eating chocolate and watching the movie.

SCREENWASH – SEPTEMBER 2015 – FILM AND TV REVIEW ROUND-UP

SCREENWASH – SEPTEMBER 2015 – FILM AND TV REVIEW ROUND-UP

Bit late with this one but I have been doing some work for charity; although I prefer not to talk about it. Anyway, I saw shedloads of big and small screen product in September! So, here’s a quick review of some of things I witnessed with marks out of 11.

**HELL YEAH – THERE’S SPOILERS!**

’71 (2014) – AMAZON PRIME

Chase-thriller ’71 centres itself on a British soldier portrayed by Jack O’Connell who on the run in enemy territory finds himself pursued by nefarious parties from both Irish and British sides. It’s a kinetic and suspenseful film, directed with verve and urgency and contains some heart-stopping moments, as well as a fine cast including Sean Harris and Richard Dormer.  (Mark: 7.5 out of 11)

BADLAND: A ROAD TO FURY (2014) – BLU-RAY

Called Young Ones in the States this is a real genre oddity as it combines Western and Science-Fiction tropes within a dystopic narrative set in a god-forsaken hellish dustbowl.  Michael Shannon is the father and farmer who tries his best to keep his family together in an unforgiving future. This is a very strange film which probably deserves another viewing to make real sense of what’s occurring; good cast though.  (6 out of 11)

BLEEDER (1999) – DVD

No one does brutal studies of lowlife like Nicolas Winding Refn. His early Danish films, Bleeder included, are grim character pieces that burst into nihilistic violence. This features four friends who watch films together but whose lives are coming apart at the seams. It’s bloody, depressing but somehow remains compelling and watchable; much like a car crash on the M4. (7 out of 11)

EVEREST (2015) – CINEMA

This is suspenseful mountain disaster film which shows both the folly and bravery of men and women at high altitude. Some of the moments will leave you biting your nails and gasping for breath as the mountaineering team scale the Himalayas. The most impressive aspect is the cast including: Jake Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke, Michael Kelly, Emily Watson, Josh Brolin, John Hawkes and more.   (7 out of 11)

THE DROP (2014) – NOW TV

Tom Hardy offers another brilliant piece of character work as a Boston barman who works in a mob-owned pub. He finds himself threatened by local scumbag Matthias Schoenaerts over the disputed ownership of a dog. The puppy is very well cast but Hardy and James Gandolfini own the show with a sterling study of masculinity and controlled rage. (8 out of 11)

THE GAMBLER (2014) – BLU RAY

Great dialogue, direction and cast couldn’t stop me from hating the nihilistic lead character played by a miscast and too-nice Mark Wahlberg. He was such a miserable-death-wish cunt that I wanted the gangsters who were chasing him to kill him and save me from having to watch anymore of his irredeemable and depressing loser. (4 out of 11)

GOING CLEAR (2014) – NOW TV

This is an astounding documentary revealing the history, psychology and inner-workings of the Scientology “religion”. It’s an amazing expose with interviews from former members of the cult who having disconnected, found themselves stalked and discredited by the extremely paranoid Scientologists. It is compelling viewing for anyone interested in religion or alleged cults and the financial dealings of the group makes them akin to organised crime syndicate, such is their wealth and violent ways of dealing with “members”.   (9 out of 11)

GOMORRAH (2014) – NOW TV

Gomorrah is one of the best TV dramas I’ve seen all year. It is a brutal and violent Italian gangster drama set in Naples and like modern day Roman times but with more plots, blood and murder. It follows the Savastano family and the enemies they face both on the right and wrong side of the law. No one is safe as the series reaches a deathly climax. Gripping stuff and highly recommended!  (10 out of 11)

GRAVE ENCOUNTERS (2011) – AMAZON PRIME

If I had the choice of removing my genitals with a cheese grater or watching this film again I would choose the grater as this was just laughable. Neither scary or suspenseful it has loud shouting actors who should be shot with high-powered rifles rather than a camera. Basically only for people who like terrible found footage horror films or the mentally ill. (1 out of 11)

LEGEND (2015) – CINEMA

Tom Hardy is phenomenal as the Kray twins. Set in 60s London’s underworld this begins like a smack-bang gangster film before delving deeper into the psychology of mental illness of Ronnie Kray’s wife and his crazed brother, Ronnie. Tonally it gets caught between cartoon humour, glamourizing violence and serious crime drama but recommended for the lead performance. Indeed, Tom Hardy, as in Bronson (2008), humanizes monstrous criminals who probably don’t deserve it. (7.5 out of 11)

THE NECESSARY DEATH OF CHARLIE COUNTRYMEN – BLU RAY

A diabolically pretentious and awful Euro-drama which didn’t know if it was a comedy or gangster or rites of passage or study of grief type movie!  Ultimately it tried them all and failed in every aspect! Avoid!  (2 out of 11)

PADDINGTON (2014) – BLU RAY

I loved Paddington as a kid and the dulcet tones of Michael Hordern narrated the 2-D animated tales with warmth and charm.  The funky film version is an even bigger delight with Ben Whishaw, Sally Hawkins and Hugh Bonneville collaborating beautifully with Paul King’s terrific script and lovely direction. The animation is a joy and the gag-rate incredibly high in a wonderful feel-good family film. (8 out of 11)

RIFIFI (1955) – NETFLIX (RE-WATCH)

This is a classic French crime drama from which involves the robbery of a jewellery store by a gang of ex-cons.  It’s memorable for the long-near-silent robbery sequence in the middle act which is full of suspense and hold-your-breath moments.  I loved that they humanized the criminals and the characters at the start and the robbery scene is often imitated but never bettered. (8 out of 11)

RUBBER (2011) – AMAZON PRIME

Bizarre horror-comedy which cannot under any circumstances be recommended unless you like fourth-wall-breaking-art-films-about-murderous-tyres-who-explode-birds-and-humans-with-telekinetic-powers. Actually, it’s also a satire on the nature of Hollywood filmmaking and an audience starved of originality; I think!  (8 out of 11)

RUN ALL NIGHT (2015) – DVD

Liam Neeson is a drunken, washed-up mob enforcer who faces a race against time to save his estranged son (Joel Kinnaman) and his young family.  It’s pretty generic fayre in which a grizzled Neeson can do in his sleep but it has some crunching action, car-chases and shoot-outs which fizz along impressively at a breakneck pace.  (7 out of 11)

SALVATION (2014) – SKY MOVIES

Mads Mikkelsen could not save The Necessary Death of Charlie Countrymen but his quiet power is very much to the fore in this colourful revenge Western.  He portrays a Danish former soldier whose wife and son are butchered by Jeffery Dean Morgan’s dastardly men, precipitating a path of bloody retribution. (7 out of 11)

THE WOLFPACK (2014) – CINEMA

A very interesting documentary about a huge family of boys and one girl who were kept as virtual prisoners in their own New York high-rise apartment by an alcoholic, bullying and eccentric father. The boys retained their sanity just about as they sought movies as a means to connect with society. The parodies they act out such as Pulp Fiction and Dark Knight were hilarious. But there is much pathos as both the children and Mother are tragic figures too having been “lost” and imprisoned by, quite frankly, a pathetic excuse for a father. (7.5 out of 11)

WHITECHAPEL (2009 – 2012 – Seasons 1-3) – NETFLIX

Started watching this during the quiet times at work and got pretty gripped by the East End murder cases investigated by Rupert Penry-Jones, Phil Davis and Steve Pemberton. It’s a well-made addition to the over-loaded detective genre which by Season 3 had some excellent suspense and drama. I was especially drawn in by Davis and Penry-Jones water-oil relationship and the latter’s OCD. (7 out of 11)

WYRMWOOD: ROAD OF THE DEAD (2015) – AMAZON PRIME

This is a really fun zombie-road-movie-gore-fest which is clearly inspired by Mad Max, Evil Dead, Braindead and George Romero’s oeuvre. Some lovely blood-gushing gore and imaginative machinery on show makes this low budget horror-comedy well worth a rental. (7 out of 11)